Monday, May 30, 2011

SIPPING VODKA

This is too funny - I still have tears in my eyes! Finally, a chain
letter that I don't mind forwarding.

It's funny (don't break chain)

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the'Big T.'

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say,"Eat me.."

12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Marywith the Cherry'.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

The Internet

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Ntungamo boss swears-in with eight wives


New Vision, Friday, 27th May, 2011
Jacob Binyerere with six of his eight wives at his swearing-in ceremony

Jacob Binyerere with six of his eight wives at his swearing-in ceremony

Ntungamo town’s new division chief, Jacob Binyerere, swore into office on Monday in style. He showed up accompanied by his eight cheering women.

The town clerk, Assy Abireebe, who was also the presiding officer, had restricted each new leader to only five guests. But in Binyerere’s case, it was hard to determine who could be let in and who could not. Eventually, all of his guests were allowed. Binyerere swore in amid wild cheering, especially when each of his wives introduced herself.

Three of them live in rented premises in Ntungamo town, while the rest live in neighbouring villages, each in her own home. The businessman-turned-politician owns a lot of land, cows, coffee and small businesses. The electorate said they had confidence in a man who knows how to harmoniously run an eight-wife family.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Activists4Change: Walk to Parliament - Press Release

Activists4Change: Walk to Parliament - Press Release: "ACTIVISTS FOR CHANGE PRESS RELEASE “The Walk to Parliament on Monday” 28 th May 2011 We would like to appreciate the entire general publ..."

Friday, May 27, 2011

Part Cabinet line-up

Official Cabinet list Highlights:by NTV Uganda on Friday, 27 May 2011 at 20:43
Minister of Educ & Sports - Arupo Jessica

Minister of Energy - Irene Muloni

Minister in-charge of Presidency - Kabakumba Matsiko

Minister of Works & Transport - Abraham Byandaala

Minister of Justice - Kahinda Otafiire

Minister of Trade & Ind. - Amelia Kyambadde

Minister of Lands - Daudi Migereko

Minister of Health - Androa Christine

Minister of Comm. & ICT - Ruhakana Rugunda

Minister without portfolio - Nasser Sebaggala

Minister of Internal Affairs - Hillary Onek

Minister of State for Econ Monitoring - Henry Banyenzaki

Minister of State for Ethics & Integrity - Simon Lokodo

Minister of State for higher Educ - John Muyingo

Minister of State for Investment -Muyanja Mbabaali

Minister of State for Microfinance - Amali Okao

Minister of State for Local Govt - Alex Onzima

Male/Female Taking Photos!

Activists4Change: Walk to Parliament on Monday

Activists4Change: Walk to Parliament on Monday: "Activists 4 Change stands in solidarity with all Ugandans who are outraged by the news that Parliament seeks to increase their emoluments in..."

Face Book Birthday Greetings

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The End of Marriage

Ladies u better jerk up your performance because now You've got new
competition. Gents, its what we've been waiting for. Plz read it is
important, i believe it is already in African market!

Is this the end of marriage as we know it ???

This would be the best $6000 you'd ever spend.
These are pictures of a Swedish doll made of silicone.

The texture of the skin is similar to 99.8% of the human skin.

It will last two years if used constantly and consistently every day.

Completely adjustable to any position you want..

There are 100 sensors spread around the body.
There are 30 sensors on the private parts.
Each sensor makes her move in a specific way,
up to 20 positions.

On penetration she emits a light gentle sound that
echoes gently in your ears.

Comes with inbuilt sound in the throat and recognizes up to 16 commands
that are extremely personal up to two meters away from her ears.

When there is any type of pulsation sensed in her
private parts she emits light moans of stimulation.

Above all that she gets wet with a slight touch over
any of the sensors.

Most important, she has a voice password which
should be protected from disclosure.

Principal characteristics:

She has three entries (vaginal , anal, and oral)

She can move her head in any direction you choose.

Completely customizable to your liking so you can
choose the following:
SIZE
HEIGHT
SKIN COLOR
EYES COLOR
HAIR COLOR
PUBIC HAIR COLOR OR COMPLETELY SHAVEN.

NUMEROUS ADVANTAGES AND FEW DISADVANTAGES.

ADVANTAGES..
* She does not speak
* She does not get fat
* She never has periods
* She does not pass gas
* She never goes shopping
* She does not get pregnant
* She does not have a mother
* She never ever gets headaches
* She does not go to the hairdresser
* She does not watch soaps or Oprah
* She does not care what we watch on TV
* She does not frequent internet chat rooms
* She will never get elderly human physical attributes
* She will not get jealous if you bring home another
* woman
* She will not nag if you go out and she won't care
* when you return

Only $6,000.00



Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Don't Lie To Your Mom!

A Mom comes to visit her son Obaro for dinner.....who lives with a girl flatmate Bimbo.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Obaro's flatmate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Obaro and his flatmate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts,Obaro volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Bimbo and I are just flatmates." About a week later, Bimbo came to Obaro saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Obaro said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Obaro.

Several days later, Obaro received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Bimbo, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Bimbo. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...


Love,

Mom.
Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother...... .... !

HONEYMOON....

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were
spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne
and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new
wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and
weird.

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

"No, tolio . The disease only affected my toes."

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked

"What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained..

"You mean measles?" she asked.

"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.

As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

"Don't tell me," she said.

"Let me guess...






Smallcox




Sunday, May 22, 2011

Facebooking!!

Besigye wants to topple the government – Kabushenga

Robert Kabushenga, CEO; New Vison Group



On May 3, the New Vision Group Chief Executive Officer, Robert Kabushenga, Yoweri spoke to the BBC’s Akwasi Sarpong, who introduced him as a media advisor to the ruling NRM party.



(Kabushenga starts) What has happened on our part is that Mr. Besigye did promise during the campaigns that this is exactly what he would do. And what we have on our hands is not a protest about the cost of living; what we have is the use of the excuse of the cost of living, which has justifiably gone up, to contest the victory and try and have the government removed by some kind of an insurrection, that is precisely what we are dealing with in Uganda.

What do you mean by an insurrection, what we have seen is Mr. Besigye and a few protestors choosing to walk to make a statement about how the cost of living in Uganda has gone up, how is that an insurrection?

People who walk to work do not burn tyres on highways and grab stones and pelt people and fire bows and arrows at the people.



But the burning of tyres as you say, and throwing of stones has been a reaction to police action by deterring them from walking and in some cases an assault to some of their protestors?

No, that is not true. These are very organised.

What is the truth?

The truth is, for instance two nights ago two trucks full of tyres were arrested doing rounds in the city distributing tyres that were to be burnt before people go to their work. So that is not a reaction to so called police provocation.

Did Mr. Besigye instruct for those tyres to be distributed?

He is responsible for the plan of action which includes the distribution of tyres for burning, organising of stone throwing youths whom we now know have been paid to carry out these protests. So what is being seen as a simple protest is actually an insurrection.

Do you condemn how Mr. Besigye has been beaten by the police on all the times he has attempted to walk to protest?

It is better to start from the begining, this was an act of provocation on his part.

Who did he provoke?

The police, actually the footage that you are seeing has been very well edited to remove his behavior for two and a half hours on different occasions. This is a person who has been told that his actions are interfering with the ability of other people to go about their business but he would not budge.

Which people?

Ordinary people going on about their business; because he is leading processions through market places, through highways- so that other people who are going on about their businesses are in danger.

Last Thursday he was in his car trying to get into town, he was not protesting.

No that was the tail end of the footage that you saw, he was out in his slide roof calling on processions to follow him, when he was asked to take a different route; he simply parked in the road and refused to leave. We are talking about issues of law and order.

So why was the window smashed?

Because Dr. Besigye before raising his windscreen, he had spray which he sprayed on a police officer who was asking him to leave. So there was an act of assault.

What spray?

Pepper spray.

So they sprayed him in return?

This was what happened. Now what you people were seeing is well edited material that removed all those acts.

So someone who resists arrest should he be beaten up and manhandled the way Besigye was?

Someone who resists arrest and breaks the law should be apprehended.

How did he break the law?

Because you are abstracting other road users, preventing them from moving, inciting groups of people to break the law and refuse police orders.

Do you think the government has handled this as best as it could, why not allow the protests to carry on, they have their field day, everyone goes home; you are all happy?

What you don’t see, those whose businesses have been inconvenienced, those who are not working because we have those who should be allowed to have a field day as call it. I think this country has 31 million people from the last time I checked and we are all entitled to co-exist. So tomorrow, I should wake up and have a big street party in the middle of town because it’s my right to go and have a field day?

What are you scared of?

What do you mean what are we scared of? You are talking about order and stability. Are we not entitled to it? In the U.K there was a lot of hooha because a couple of students were making a statement on the streets about school fees and you saw what damage they did. These (Uganda) are very fragile economies, we do not have insurance, we do not have the kind of monies that you guys have, you allow this kind of action to happen; we probably will take years to recover from the economic damages we suffer.

This interview was first aired on the BBC World Service

Kyoka men!!

Phone Repairing

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Besigye arrested but not under house arrest, says Nabakooba

FULL STATEMENT

In the last five weeks, several leaders of political parties have led their supporters into engaging in criminal acts that have led to loss of life and destruction of property, and disruption of life and business of innocent persons.
Some of the offences, for which the perpetrators have been charged, include rioting and destruction of property, terrorism, unlawful assemblies and disobedience of lawful orders.

These acts of violence and destruction have been committed under the cover of ‘walk-to-walk demonstrations’ which, in fact, are unlawful assemblies, because of the failure of the organizers and participants to involve the Police, as required by law.

Dr. Kizza Besigye, specifically, has repeatedly engaged in these illegal acts, for which he has been charged in court. Yesterday, Dr. Besigye declared that, today, Thursday, the 19th of May, 2011, he shall continue his campaign of ‘walk-to-walk’, in disregard of the law.

In the execution of its Constitutional mandate of prevention and detection of crime, and in exercise of the powers conferred upon the Police by Section 26 of the Criminal Procedure Code, the Police arrested Dr. Kizza Besigye this morning, along the Nangabo-Kisangati Road.

Section 26 of the Criminal Procedure Code provides for Preventive Arrest, in instances where, ‘a police officer knowing of a design to commit any cognizable offence, may arrest, without orders from a magistrate, and without a warrant, the person so designing, if it appears to the officer that the commission of the offence cannot otherwise be prevented’.

Upon his arrest, Dr. Besigye was informed of the reason for his arrest, and was given the option of either accompanying the officers to the Police Station for formal charges, or being released and going back home. Dr. Besigye opted to go back to his residence.

We would like to make it clear that Dr. Kizza Besigye is not under house arrest. In fact, there are no security deployments on his property or residence.
Dr. Besigye had declared that he shall commit the acts that constitute criminal offences today, and we have reason to believe that, left to his own, he shall commit these offences in the course of the day. Should he, again, set out to commit these offences, he shall be arrested and charged.

Thank you.

Judith Nabakooba
Public Relations Offic

Uganda's Kizza Besigye 'put under house arrest'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-13452143

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Mugabe vehicles ‘stoned’ in Uganda - Newsday: Everyday News for Everyday People

Mugabe vehicles ‘stoned’ in Uganda - Newsday: Everyday News for Everyday People

Facebookanol: Cure For Facebook Addiction

Uganda Police deny Kizza Besigye under house arrest


By Norman S Miwambo

Winnie Byanyima (centre) and her husband Dr Kizza Besigye - arguably the most harassed political family in East Africa.

It is feared that the leader of Uganda’s main opposition party, the Forum for democratic Change (FDC) Dr Kizza Besigye may be under house arrest following the deployment of several security officers that are now guarding any movements in and out of his house at Kasangati, a few miles from the country’s capital Kampala. Dr. Besigye, who has been spearheading the ‘Walk to Work’ protests for the last month, is now under house arrest and police surrounded his home on Monday, although a police spokesperson denied the allegations.

Dr Besigye who is a former personal physician to Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni, came second to Mr Museveni during last February’s general elections that the opposition parties claimed had been rigged by the Museveni-led National Resistance Movement (NRM). Dr. Besigye has been the main participant in the “Walk to Work” protests which have been appealing to the people to leave their cars at home every Monday and Thursday of the week and walk to their places of work to draw the government’s attention to the rising prices of fuel and food prices.

In a telephone conversation with The London Evening Post (TLEP), Dr Besigye’s wife Winnie Byanyima, a veteran Ugandan politician in her own right, who works with the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) in New York as a director for Gender in the Bureau for Development Policy said: “I can’t understand this anymore. Just after I came out of the gate to catch my flight to New York, armed police stopped me. I feared that they [the police] were going to spray some chemicals on me or were going to kill me and I raised the car windows, I thought they were going to kill me.” Sounding quite frightened, Mrs Besigye added: “They blocked my car and they towed us to the police.”

She went on: “When we reached the police, they left us to go. I feared and we tried to get back home because I had already missed my flight but still they blocked me. I’m worried because Kakooza Mutale has been coming and taking pictures of our house. He [Kakooza Mutale] has been taking pictures everywhere; I really don’t know why he trespasses on our properties,” said Mrs Besigye. Kakooza Mutale is a notorious pro-Museveni thug who heads the Kalangala Action Plan (KAP), a militia whose record is well documented by several Human Rights Watch (HRW) reports since as early as 2003. Several reports have documented and Kakooza Mutale’s KAP of gross human rights abuses.

This entry was posted in Uganda. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Uganda Police deny Kizza Besigye under house arrest

  1. Pam says:

    Editor, this partisan force have embarrassed our nation. They were not checking every car, they were simply waiting on to see what car drives out of Besigye’s compound and get it towed. The good lesson they have learnt is not to smash Dr. Besigye’s car but to tow it away otherwise let them give us another good excuse of stopping Winnie. If they were not bothered about Dr. Besigye’s movements, then why pick on this particular car coming out of his gate? They were there because they knew that it was a Monday and Besigye had vowed to continue walking and they will be there on Thursday too.

    Nabakooba has lied to the entire world. We heard rumours even before Besigye returned that government was getting a helicopter to fly him to his compound and keep him under house arrest. Careful of government’s plan, he refused the offer but the last one has come true.

    Editor, initially the president and all his subordinates said that he will crush those who will walk to work. It became a song in Uganda that walk to work, get crushed and all ministers, police, army, permanent secretaries echoed this message. A sudden change later emerged after realizing that they would be defeated someday by protesters who had vowed to depose government if they cracked them down to the effect that people should walk to work because its normal and healthy and the president has never condemned walkers but said let people walk. It is believed that the international community had spent hours in meetings and passed an ultimatum giving the Ugandan leader less time to fix the situation.

    What we now see days down the road is that with the increasing support not only in Uganda but world wide of the main opposition leader, any injury on him sparks off a riot so the best thing to do is to keep him under house arrest. Today, people are hitting on look-alikes of perpetrators of injury on FDC leader. Many security operatives have suffered due to their brutal attack on the opposition and the government is beginning to realise that its wise not to injure Besigye. Restricting his movement will make people stop walking to work but they are wrong. People need solutions and are waiting for the president’s promises he made during the swearing in ceremony to come true. The police cannot earmark one leader and think it will solve the problems of the country, the walkers are bigger than just one person and solutions should start emerging.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Daily Life

Daily Life

If Fonts Were Dogs!

SKYPE + MICROSOFT

Uganda’s arms imports from South Africa


By Stephen Twinoburyo

According to Stockholm International Peace Research Institute (SIPRI), an institute that tracks military spending of 173 countries around the , in their Background Paper released in January 2011, Uganda in 2009 imported from S Africa arms worth Rand 169.2 million ($24 m). Uganda was by far the highest of the 32 African countries SA exported arms to. The 2nd highest country, Senegal, bought less than half (Rand 84 m) and the 3rd highest, Kenya, approx a third (Rand 55 m).

Uganda’s armed purchase from 2009 alone dwarfed what many Africa countries had spent on S African arms over a period of 10 years from 2000.

(http://books.sipri.org/files/misc/SIPRIBP1101.pdf)

The transfer of major conventional weapons by South Africa to Uganda between 2000 to 2009 included the following APC/ISV type military vehicles:

2002 15 RG-31 NYALAS

2OO4 5 MAMBAS

2005 31 BUFFELS

2009 6 GILLAS

According to SIPRI, armoured vehicles supplied from South Africa were also used in the violent suppression of demonstrations in Uganda in 2006.

Information from the South African National Conventional Arms Control Committee (NCACC), presented in a report by Peter Bachelor titled “South Africa’s Arms Trade and the Commonwealth: A Cause for Concern?” (http://carecon.org.uk/Leverhulme/P12.pdf) , shows that Uganda’s arms imports from post-apartheid South Africa between 1996 and 1998 amounted to only Rand 41.8 million. This however was second only to Congo-Brazzaville in Africa.

The BBC, on 1 March 2006 (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4762386.stm), cited an Oxfarm report that showed how a South African subsidiary of the British company BAE Systems sold Mamba armoured personnel carriers to the Ugandan government ahead of the country’s general elections. The report said at least 32 such vehicles had been sold to Uganda by the subsidiary, called Land Systems OMC, since 2002, with the most recent consignment before the release of the report arriving just ahead of polling day. The report went further to say that at least three people had been killed when the vehicles were used to quell demonstrations a week before the elections.

Imported vehicles: do they give Ugandans pride or trauma?

Uganda’s overall military expenditure has risen from UG Shillings 234 billion to 583 billion (US $268 million).

There is concern in some circles about the sale of arms to African countries like Uganda. Peter Bachelor in his report quotes James Speth, an administrator at the United Nations Development Programme, as saying “ The world cannot ask Africa to develop and then blight its development efforts through the sale of arms and ammunition that fuel Africa’s civil conflicts”

South African armoured personnel carriers have been very prominent in the recent brutal crackdowns on the peaceful walk-to work protests which have seen the death of at least 10 people.

What is the role of that vehicle in the background?

Recently, the country signed a deal for delivery of Russian military fighter jets worth US $740 million. But the real question should be, why is the Uganda government buying arms at such a massive level when their people are living in wallowing poverty? According to the International Monetary Fund, the country, GDP per capita stands at a lowly US $509. The country’s infrastructure is crumbling and public health is non-existent. Quality education is a thing of the past. Why then does the government need to spend heavily on arms?

Because of the threat of Lord Resistance Army’s Joseph Kony and the war on terror, the wold was quick to give Uganda arms without strict scrutiny. It’s now questionable whether the imported arms were indeed for these purposes. Following what has been witnessed in Uganda over the past few weeks, it’s prudent that developed democracies restrict arms sales to Uganda.

On 5 May 2011, a Ugandan newspaper, the Red Pepper, reported that the Ugandan Police Force had imported more that 40 South African made anti riot trucks called Nyalas (type RG-31) to bolster their already rich collection (http://redpepper.co.ug/welcome/?p=7753).

South African made nyalas on arrival at Kampala

Ugandans in South Africa, in a petition to President Zuma, requested that South Africa puts a stop to the sale of arms to the present government of Uganda. Recent events in Uganda have shown that the weapons Uganda imports are for use against her people rather than advance their well-being. Unconfirmed reports say that much of the teargas used against demonstrators and the dyed spray used against opposition leaders are imported from South Africa. International media reported that the coloured spray was a common tool used by the apartheid police and what is being used in Uganda could be remnants of that.

http://ugandaspeaks.wordpress.com/2011/05/15/ugandas-arms-imports-from-south-africa/


How iOS 11 Fundamentally Changes The iPad

Will iOS 11 convince people to use iPad as their main computer? Releasing this September, iOS 11 appears to have been targeted at ...